Dear students,
This semester, I have the opportunity to enroll in a General Education course titled “Compassionate Communication,” offered by WS College. The course is facilitated by three lovely, energetic CUHK alumni, Dr. Joseph Cho, Mr. Matthew Kwok, and Mr. Raymond Yang, who are also the founding members of the NGO—Just Feel. The course is still on-going, and one of the key takeaways so far is the importance of identifying feelings during a conversation. This doesn’t just apply to the emotions of the person we’re conversing with, but also our own. Recognizing the needs that underlie these feelings is crucial. For instance, we might feel angry when our need for respect isn’t met. Similarly, we might feel disappointed when our need for achievement isn’t fulfilled, or anxious when our need for security is threatened. This technique is powerful because effective communication hinges on the successful decoding of words into emotions and needs.
It is more challenging than I have thought to find out how exactly people feel by listening to what they say. This difficulty arises partly because we may not be as familiar with our emotions as we think. We experience emotions daily, but identifying them precisely can be a complex task.
This brings to mind a book I read some time ago, called “Emotional Equations: Simple Truths for Creating Happiness + Success,” written by Chip Conley. In this book, Chip Conley presents emotions in the form of equations. Here are two examples to illustrate the idea:
Try interpret the meaning using your understanding of how a division math formula works. We can increase happiness by increasing the numerator (having greater appreciation of what we have), or by decreasing the denominator (reducing our desires), or by doing both. You probably already understand this wisdom, but Chip Conley explains it with an interesting analogy: It’s like having a bowl of ice cream in the midday sun – it’s better to savor what you have rather than go searching for the chocolate sauce. If you go in search of the sauce, the ice cream will melt away. We often miss out on the good things in life because we’re preoccupied with making other plans or seeking other things.
Now try another one:
Despair = Suffering – Meaning
The idea here is that we feel despair when we suffer. If we can’t eliminate the suffering (for example, if we’ve failed at a task and are feeling the pain of that failure), we can reduce despair by finding meaning in the suffering – maybe we have learned something important from the experience? Once we derive meaning from the suffering, the despair lessens.
Now that you understand how emotional equations work, here are a few more for you to think about:
- Authenticity = Self-awareness × Courage
- Joy = Love – Fear
- Jealousy = Mistrust / Self-esteem
- Envy = (Pride + Vanity) / Kindness
- Anxiety = Uncertainty × Powerlessness
Take some time to reflect on how these emotions manifest in your own experiences! These equations are certainly not definitive, and you do not have to agree with them. But they do provide a starting point for introspection. Let us try to delve deeper into our emotional landscape, to question, to explore, and ultimately, to understand ourselves better. As we navigate through life, let’s remember to be compassionate communicators, not just with others, but also with ourselves. After all, the first step to understanding others is understanding ourselves!
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About Prof. YEUNG Wing Man, Catherine
Catherine, Associate Professor of Marketing, joined LWS College in 2015. Her main research focus on projects that integrate behavioural science into the design of behavioural change solutions.
Professor Yeung also undertakes community-based research, developing and evaluating interventions aimed at enhancing individual and community well-being. She collaborates with companies, government agencies, and community organisations interested in deriving policy implications from research findings. If you would like to know more about Catherine, please visit https://www.bschool.cuhk.edu.hk/staff/yeung-catherine-wing-man/.